The Boy And His Village: Masculinity, Mental Health, and the Psychology of Belonging
- Stefan Rampersad
- Jul 1
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 7
Last Tuesday's The Lunchtime Doctor segment on Freedom 106.5FM had a special edition focusing on men’s mental health.
The panel brought together voices that truly care about changing the narrative. It included Richie Bansraj, Caribbean Ambassador for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Men and Boys (IDEVAMB), and Health and Nutrition Association of Trinidad and Tobago (HNATT) Executives, Dr. Brittany Deane (host), Kylie Jacob and Dr. Michael Taylor.
The conversation was real, raw, and reflective of our society where many men navigate the layered every day issues. The message in the end is simple and urgent: create safer, healthier spaces for boys and men to express, feel, and heal.
Richie set the tone with the global climate exposing gender bias in humanitarian narratives and the invisibility of male suffering in global conflicts.
He highlighted the media always says ‘women and children’ but what about the boys and men who are forced into war too?
We All Want to Belong, Men Are No Different
A key theme was the idea of belonging. From the time we are children, we seek to be part of something like family, community, brotherhood, a team. But what happens when boys don’t find these positive spaces?
They often seek community in places that welcome them like the gangs, online echo chambers, or peer groups engaged in risky behaviour. It’s not because they are “bad.” It’s because, like all of us, they want to be seen, heard, and valued.
As Britney and Kylie stated that if a young man doesn’t find healthy belonging, he’ll find it elsewhere and sometimes that elsewhere is dangerous.
These ideas draw on several core psychological frameworks.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs shows that belonging is a fundamental human need when unmet, young people often seek connection in riskier environments.
Attachment theory explains how early emotional bonds shape the way we seek support later in life, often leading to unhealthy attachments when positive role models are absent.
Erikson’s psychosocial theory highlights that adolescence is a key stage for identity formation; without stable guidance, boys may experience confusion and turn to harmful groups for a sense of self.
Social identity theory adds that people find value in group membership even if the group promotes violence or exclusion.
Together, these frameworks underscore the critical need to create positive communities, mentorship, and safe spaces where boys and young men feel seen, valued, and supported before they seek identity and acceptance in damaging ways.
Why Can’t Men Cry?
Crying doesn’t make you less of a man but human expression highlighted by Micheal.
We need to counter toxic masculinity and affirm emotional expression as strength, not weakness.
We talk about equality, but often we overlook the emotional inequality men face. From a young age, boys are taught to “man up,” “don’t cry,” and “stay strong.” These phrases become emotional shackles and seeds for toxic masculinity.
From the time he can walk, we expect him to be tough was the comment from Kylie. Spotlights how early the emotional suppression of boys begins in Caribbean society and beyond.
How does the media portrays male vulnerability. Richie postulates if a man calls into a radio show saying his partner cheated, he’s mocked. A woman shares the same story, she’s met with sympathy and support resources.
Kylie shared a social experiment on social media where the same slap from a woman is seen as a joke but if a man hits back once, he’s a criminal.
Men love deeply, and when that love is lost, it can feel like their whole world collapses tracing back to how boys are raised.
Confidence is nurtured at home, in schools, and in communities, not in isolation.
Everyone can become a leader if given the belief that their voice matters and their dreams are valid, yet too often we kill those dreams early by questioning ambition based on background or circumstance. Without early encouragement, boys grow into men who struggle to process loss or vulnerability because they were never taught how.
Safe spaces start at home and shape how we learn to be and behave. The foundation is our institutions and our culture.
We may not realise it, but double standards in how we view abuse and violence based on gender reinforce silence. We raise boys in that silence, then punish them for not knowing how to speak.
That’s why parents must allow sons to express emotions without shame, teachers must look beyond “bad behaviour” and recognise signs of distress, policymakers must ensure domestic violence laws and shelters protect male victims too, and men must support one another and seek help when needed.
All of us—men, women, boys, girls—are survivors of something, and there is no shame in that. Healing starts with listening, believing, and building confidence from the beginning.
Emotional literacy is often neglected in male upbringing. From medical perspective bottling emotions can lead to physiological symptoms like insomnia, depression, even cardiovascular issues. The body keeps the score and in men, it often keeps it quietly…until it breaks.
The Statistics Should Scare Us
82% of suicides in Trinidad and Tobago over the last decade (2011-2021) were males highlighted Richie and was echoed by Michael.
A jarring statistic that demands policy attention. It's a fact that reframes the urgency of men’s mental health.
That’s not just a number, it’s hundreds of sons, brothers, partners, fathers who felt they had no other way out.
Why aren’t we doing more?
There are very few institutions, shelters or safe services designed for male victims of domestic abuse or mental health breakdown.
Most public health campaigns target women and children but there’s very little that acknowledges that men hurt too.
A Culture of Coping, But Not Healing
Another area discussed was the culture around how men cope. Culture masks trauma with unhealthy behaviours, especially alcohol consumption. Many men don’t know how to process emotions in healthy ways.
Some young men now turn to vaping or social media “influencers” for escapism. The problem? These behaviours mask pain, but never heal it.
What we need is a culture of healing, not hiding.
So, What Can We Do?
It starts with community and continues with conversation.
We need to:
✅ Teach emotional literacy in schools where boys learn feelings aren’t failures.
✅ Train mentors for every school, community centre, and youth club should have male mentors available.
✅ Support services for men to develop dedicated spaces where men can speak without fear of judgment.
✅ Rethink media framing where media treat male and female pain with equal seriousness and compassion.
✅ Create role models, not just celebrities, but everyday men who model emotional intelligence, honesty, and resilience.
This conversation does not diminish anyone else’s struggle. It’s about making room for men to be part of the wider wellbeing narrative.
When we allow boys to cry, men to speak, and communities to care, we don’t weaken society. We strengthen it. For progress we should move away from shame and towards support. Neglect leads to cycles of violence, disconnection, and social breakdown.
Embrace healthy relationships that talk, listen, understand and act.
And if you’re a man reading this, know that you are not alone, and it’s okay to feel.
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